Star Wars on TV???

STAR WARS on TV? Oh-No-He-Did-Unt!!!

I was shocked and dismayed to hear that George Lucas, the creative mastermind behind the original Star Wars trilogy who then massacred the follow-up trilogy by deciding to direct them himself, has committed yet another galactic-size gaffe.

In his infinite wisdom, the man who made us sit through an extra hour of The Phantom Menace to glorify both Jar-Jar and the Gungans, has decided to create a made-for-tv series based on the Star Wars universe.

Don’t get me wrong, the new Battlestar Galactica rocked my world and gave me new hope for television as a medium for science fiction. However, the likelihood of a made-for-tv Star Wars containing Tricia Helfer as a sultry, deceptive jedi knight; or of the wanton massacre of millions of humans by violent stormtroopers is relatively slim (disregarding the fact that they can’t hit the broad side of a barn with a blaster).

Instead, I expect shows demonstrating the gustatory habits of the Gungans at great length, the (special) education of Jar-Jar Binks as he moves from resident idiot to senator, and the long, arduous courtship of a couple of Ewoks on Endor. Edgy stuff.

Let’s face it George, you are a BRILLIANT idea guy who can’t direct himself out of a F**cking paper bag. Remember the lessons learned during the first Star Wars triology. The best movie of the three was the brilliant Empire Strikes Back, which was directed by Irvin Kershner.

Even without seeing it, I expect the series to need significant Jessica support to even be tolerable. I’m guessing a 1/2 Jessica out of four on a generous day. . . .

George, I’m pleading with you, please leave my childhood Star Wars alone.  You have lost all touch with the universe of Skywalkers and Wookies, and each attempt to capitalize on the series causes me very real physical pain.

EK

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